Laura San Giacomo Q+A
What in your opinion are the qualities of a power woman?
When I was doing a lot of advocacy, and working outside of being an actor, I wasn’t really considering myself a “power woman.” I was looking at “what can I do to help?” I think that’s where it comes from for me. To respond to what is the need. Everything I did when I was doing a lot of advocacy was to create a wake in my forward movement that would help other kids. So, I felt like I have this energy inside me to do this so I must proceed. There is no other option. I feel like that responding to need and calling is what gives us that power. Being that landscape and responding to a need is a driving force that looks like power. In those moments, there is nothing else to do, that must be what happens. That power is generated inside, and extends out. Hopefully, luckily, you’re in a position where you can possibly influence some change.
Do you believe there is any specific role for women to play in the COVID-19 pandemic? And do you believe the response to the COVID-19 pandemic has displayed the natural resilience of women?
L: Well, I haven’t really thought of the response as gender-specific because I feel like I see men and women both speaking out and making a difference. I know that women are disproportionately affected, especially single moms and especially in the workplace and losing jobs. I feel that women having this reaction that I was just speaking about, which is seeing the landscape clearly and acting out of that is very inherently natural to women. Not only about only being caretakers, it’s about how we see the world. To just say it is about being caretakers is really only one facet of the jewel of the vision of women. It is my hope that as a women I am seeing the landscape clearly, and I am extending care and also finding that drive inside me to then extend out.
M: I think you say it in both those questions that women are so diverse in their approach. I think they just look at things differently. We are built differently, we react to things differently. Some of the top leading companies run by women have had the best response to the covid pandemic just by being pandemic. Just by rolling up the sleeves, as we do as women who naturally go into a situation head-on, and worry about the consequences afterward and worry about the situation at hand. Going ‘Ok, I am going with the punches and bruises and seeing what happens. If I come out on the other side that’s brilliant and if I don’t I’ll know about it’. Whereas, I can tell you with the men in my life, and men generally, I feel like they procrastinate more and tend to digest so much that by the time they finish their time digesting it I don’t even want to get involved anymore!
L: I think women – rash generalization – because I am a big procrastinator too, but I am also pretty good at multitasking and I am also really multi-focused. Perhaps not at the same time but I dive in pretty wholeheartedly. That’s a thing too, whole-heartedness, but I dive into anything wholeheartedly, and then onto another facet that I see needs attention. Isn’t there that research about women that when you sleep you can still be aware and that’s why we’re so in tune with our children needing us in the middle of the night. All my file-folders are filled in my brain so I can’t accurately reproduce the narrative of all the things I’ve read and absorbed but that sort of hit me like, “oh that makes very good sense.” My husband sleeps in this cone of silence and snoring and I’m really atune. I can hear through that if my son needs me in the middle of the night. I feel like it’s this vision of a broad landscape, and this laser focus. Kind of a combination of two different, really beneficial assets.
M: I believe it. I think naturally women have this inner sixth sense built into them. You naturally will respond differently to any impulse reaction as something like that. I think with children it is so huge, I couldn’t even touch it. Mothers and children are just this space that nobody can get between. There is this whole dynamic and magnetic force that only – and I don’t have children but let me tell you I would adopt one tomorrow – but I do know that there’s this magnetic force between children and mothers that only people who have had that experience can talk to it. It’s that “I know what it’s like,” but “no you don’t, you’ve never been bloody pregnant how do you know what it’s like?”
L: With experience, some people are born with a really strong internal compass. As we grow and experience more things in life, our internal compass becomes stronger and stronger and you just know in your stomach where you’re supposed to be, and what you’re supposed to be doing. Your gut instinct tells you where you need to be, and what you need to be doing. When you go against that, it feels pretty bad.
With all the difficult issues that we are focused with to balance our efforts on gender equality, is there a specific or global approach for you in that space? Is there anything that you approach where gender equality is concerned in a specific way?
I have always been conscious of it to a certain degree in my life. I am way more conscious of it on a global scale. Certainly the inequities that are visible and measurable. But then there is also the more subtle, and I think we have been seeing examples of this as we have changed our entire milieu of how we live our life. It has become more apparent, all of the different subtleties as well as the major inequities. Lots of people have been writing about and studying this and anecdotally reporting on this. Everything from being interrupted by male colleagues on zoom calls, to presidential debates, to the inequities of women losing their jobs because of covid and the strain on single moms, and the pay gap everywhere. I think that I can see it more globally than I see it in my own, very small world. My world is very small right now and so I’m not seeing and experiencing it as much.
Have you ever personally encountered any block based on gender in your career?
L: I think the obvious ones of “what do you look like,” “who are you wearing,” and “how do you balance life,” and all of that stuff that is always thrown at women and is never a thought given to men. Nobody ever asks any male actors how they balance life. I don’t think they have ever asked a supreme court nominee who does the laundry in the house and how they balance their work and home life. Nobody cares, it’s not an issue.
M: I cannot even believe when that conversation takes place nowadays.
L: Just in my lifetime, I am old enough where when I went to school we couldn’t wear pants. That was the dress code. Then we could, we could wear a matching pants outfit. Then, all of a sudden we could wear jeans. I’ve seen that in my lifetime, that sort of restriction of how women should look. That restriction of what is feminine and what is gender. We can go back to the laws that were used to arrest people for wearing their non-binary gendered clothing in the 40s, 50s and 60s. It has been prevalent in subtle and more obvious ways through all of our lives.
M: Thank you for answering that, I know that question is kind of asking to share a personal anecdote. I know that it is something we have all experienced in some way in our lifetimes at one point. Right?
L: Right, and it is very hard for me to distinguish anyway what has been purely gender, and purely personality or personal to me. I am always a person that is in a situation, especially in a work situation where I am trying to do my best all of the time, so my focus is in a certain way that I might not see — the experiences that I’ve had have not been as obvious to me as experiences I have heart other women talk about where it is so obvious. Mine are not as obvious, I am not sure if it had to do with this interrelationship I had with this director, is it this scene….That’s where my landscape vision has not been so clear. Since I am so focused on what I am doing that I can’t tell. Even looking back I am not really sure. Was he picking on me because of me? Was it because I was a woman? Was it because I brought up somebody else’s work circumstance that seemed to cross the line? I have observed, even in the past ten years, people in positions of power being abusive to women. I have observed it. So, I see it in a landscape where my vision is wide enough, especially when it happens to somebody else. When I am in the middle of it, it’s hard to see what’s going on. Thankfully I am fortunate enough to have not had any kind of severe sexual assault, but I have had certain experiences male persons in a position of power being somewhat abusive as we have all had.
The power of the opposite sex is scary, and it’s finally getting highlighted and getting the spotlight for what it should be. Shifting into a conversation we have touched on a little bit in regards to the next question which talks about the studies of female presences in a boardroom or in a production team. Continually, facts have shown that when women are present and collectively are in a group or board room table, the bottom line has increased extensively. What are your thoughts on that?
L: Well, it makes sense doesn’t it? From all of the different things we’ve talked about. The more diversity there is in the whole mechanism, the more successful they are going to be. There are more facets in the jewel. If you’re really watching your own little microcosm, you can see that at play. Just in your interactions with people, with friends, with whatever little group you have that is part of the basis of your present life, the more diverse the opinions are, the more perspectives that are expressed, then the more we understand a situation. The more relatable it is for people to sit back and are relating and loving what they’re seeing. That’s the goal of anything really. I don’t know that much about business per say, but it is all about relating and making things accessible, making things work, making things relatable, making things available. It’s all about reaching other people, that is what it is to be successful in whatever it is you’re doing. Whether you’re making something or whatever. So it seems like that is what you would strive to do. To have as diverse a team creating, overlooking in all facets of that production. It just makes sense.
M: I think that is the closing line – it just does make sense. It is common sense. It is common sense IN that you can’t even think past that. Anybody with common sense would know that what makes a good home is the two partners that come together to make the home work. Otherwise, it’s all about the women. Without her, nothing would work. Well, said though, thank you so much for that answer. It’s true, everything is about change and accepting change for the benefit of everybody as well. I would love to move into a little bit of a personal side with yourself.
Was there a defining moment or experience in your life that led you to where you are today?
L: Well certainly, the success in some of the projects I have been in led to more opportunities for me. Like “Sex, Lies, and Video Tapes,” “Pretty Woman,” and they all sort of tumbled onto each other to create more opportunities for me to do other things.
M: Was there a specific moment that ever made you think ‘Alright this is it, acting is what I want to do” or ‘This is the path I am going to go down’. You know sometimes you’re in a situation and it just clicks, and it’s like ‘This is what I want.’ Did you have a defining moment like that?
L: I had several defining moments like that in high school, when I was training to be an actor. There is a moment that comes to mind where I was talking to my mom on the phone and for me the first couple of years were pretty rough in New York. I think that I was crying about not getting a certain job I really loved and wanted, and this was maybe two or three years into being in New York. She said maybe you had enough, maybe this is not the way to go. I was like, “oh no, you’ve completely misinterpreted this. Absolutely not. This is what I am going to do, and I am going to continue to do this and continue to cry. But I will continue to pursue this and love auditioning, and embracing rejection, and enjoy this creative process.” That was a really beautiful moment, because in her wanting to comfort me and perhaps help me through a difficult decision it made it so crystal clear that, no I embrace all of this. Especially looking back on it, we can take all that grit that we used in our mill and see the beauty of it. I am going to take all of this and continue to live and create this life. That was a really important moment for me. It cristilized for me, and also taught me not to tell her about any auditions anymore. It was way harder on her than it was on me. Do not tell your parents about your auditions!
M: You can tell the immediate defence mechanism kicks in like ‘Ok I gotta protect my daughter’.
L: Like it’s ok mom. I am way stronger than I am at this moment. It was actually a great moment for me, and a great moment for her. That was my whole state since then is like I really have to love this thing. I want to embrace all of this thing and the only way to survive it is by continuing to fall in love with things that you are not asked to do is to really fall in love with this process. That’s how I feel, I love this process, I love setting up my Iphone in my bathroom and doing the scene in my bathroom and doing the scene that takes place in the bathroom. I love that nervousness, I love the process of beginning to find the keys to this person, this scene, this human event, this story. Whether what I am doing is perfect for them or not, I want to find that perfect moment for me. Having that moment of slight transcendence into another world, I want to feel that. Even if it’s just for that hour, even if it’s just going into a room or on my iphone just to feel that moment.
M: The whole process of what you’re doing like the pain, the resolution, the success and the joy of makes you feel every emotion to feel the success of it.
L: Yes, and you develop very strong roots just like a tree in the wind. You have to be very strong, and that builds a very resilient lifestyle. If you are constantly, no matter how much experience you have, there is an element of rejection that is always part of our business. It lends itself to a very self-examined, resilient lifestyle. Where you can roll with the changes, and it can help with that broad landscape perspective that I am talking about as well. To have to be so resilient all the time. Also, I think that certainly the birth of my son and the advocacy I have done has shaped me. That is also part of my being resilient, which is to have many significant things in my life other than my work that are really important to me. Things that are my inner compass that have to do with those aspects of my life as well.
What was one of the best pieces of advice that you’ve ever been given?
I always talk about this when I talk about Pretty Woman, but I’ll never forget it. We were all out on set, Hector, Allesandro and I and I was sort of hurrying since it was really far away from where we were relative to being close to a set. I was kind of scurrying, and running in high heels and he said, “woah woah woah stop. No running. There is no running through the set. You take your time. You compose yourself. You take this time walking to the set to be present.” That was the same kind of advice as when we got as young actors in training at Carnegie Melon. When you step onto that rehearsal stage, you are walking into that space. I was very young and new at shooting movies so I felt all of this pressure to be there right when they said to be there. But he said, “no, no no. Slow down. You always walk to set. You always compose yourself. You take your time. They can wait for you.” Not in a Madonna way like, “they can wait for you.” They’ve just called you, you’re never going to be ready by the time you get there. So take your time. Value yourself, which was the message he was giving me. Value yourself and what you bring. You are not here to be just an obedient person. You are here to bring the value that you have to this set.
My next question is what do you most value in friends?
Honesty.
What traits do you find most uncomfortable in yourself?
Resentment.
What do you consider is the most overrated virtue?
Selflessness.
What would be your superpower?
My superpower would be no child going to bed hungry. Really that’s what we all want, isn’t it? It’s like how can we get that done?
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